I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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