Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
