someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
40s are totally the cure
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
