How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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