i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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