I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
