my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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