Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
