I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
