I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
