it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
