guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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