he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
