i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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