i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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