Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
