so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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