dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
