its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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