i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
