Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
