matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
