Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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