he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You took a bar mat shot.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
