first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
