Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
