She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
