im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
