He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
