you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's blow job season.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
