Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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