Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
