Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
