how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
