I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
