Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
