Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
