Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
