i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
