I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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