we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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