I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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