dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the jesus of drinking
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
