I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
