Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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