Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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