My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
