the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
