I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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