after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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