All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
should my penis look like a turkey
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
