i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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