oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
