i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
