Got a toothbrush?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
