physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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