the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
