apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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