What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
