So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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