I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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