she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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