Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
