seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
